WARNING – THE FOLLOWING IS OPINION AN NOTHING MORE. IF YOU DON’T AGREE THAT IS COMPLETELY ACCEPTABLE.
I honestly was not going to go to the cinema and watch this film. While I was very hyped when I first heard about the pitch, the trailers removed all my hope – another garbage Hollywood project. Therefore, I feel since there is very little love and passion behind this, I am legally obligated to shit on it. Sorry not sorry.
One of the biggest problems with the modern blockbuster is the writing of the characters versus the plot. (This is something that boils my blood so stay with my rant for just once second). Basically, in films like this and most Marvel movies the writers prioritise plot over character. In Uncharted it was screaming at me. I have a theory that the writers knew they wanted these big action set pieces and did anything to make it happen. Honestly its just opinion, but to me a movie is far more attractive when the characters drive the story. I know this is hard in an action film but just let it happen a bit more naturally. Let the characters force the plot.
I am not finished yet.
I just didn’t care about any of these knobs on the screen and I can’t imagine anyone else either. Even Nathan Drake. For me this is truly a madness. The writers literally stole the core concepts of this amazing and deep character and still couldn’t get it right. They took his character arc from the fourth game and completely botched it. An incredible game and story ultimately wasted on this shit.
Everyone in this was extremely average. Sorry Tom Holland stans, please don’t hurt me. But realistically when an actor comes out before the release of a movie trashing his performance and the film, you know it’s a not a good sign. Nevertheless, Tom Holland is like Chris Paul – a pure fundamentalist. He is very very good at doing the basics. His surprised / shocked face (clearly the reason he got the role of Peter Parker) is solid. And whenever he has an emotional scene he absolutely smashes it. But ultimately, I just feel he is kind of doing the same thing he always does.
Mark Whalberg’s performance was odd. I’m not sure if it was him or the writing, but every joke he told just did not land at all. He wasn’t funny and truthfully was anything like the Sully we see in the games.
Sophia Taylor as Chloe Frazer was interesting. I wasn’t sure if she was going for an Australian accent. If she was I am not going to shit on it. That’s because I honestly think it is one of the hardest accents to get down. I haven’t really ever seen a non-Australian actor do it right. I think its cause its barely an accent, more just a slur and drawl of mumbled words. So Goodluck future actors.
What it got Right
Don’t get me wrong, I liked a lot of this movie. The adventure and puzzles were all very good. While it wasn’t spot on, the Indian Jones vibe was definitely there. In particular, I love how films like this merge in the history fairly effortlessly. In addition, the action was visually engaging. Apart from some dodgy effects, it was entertaining to watch on screen.
This shit truly rattled me. When there is a perfect, iconic and nostalgic theme waiting to be used WHY NOT FUCKING USE IT. I was honestly waiting for it to be appear the entire film and guess what, it doesn’t. Like the rest of this film it just doesn’t seem to give a shit about the games. Yeah they have the occasional reference to the climbing or the voice actor but its just not the same.
Nothing in this film feels like the Uncharted Games. It just feels like another movie Hollywood slaps a famous name over for a quick cash grab. If you told me this was a National Treasure prequel or Indian Jones prequel, I would fully accept it. Its ultimately just bland and tries to be nothing more then that. Its very frustrating when the games are so incredible and have so amazing stories and characters. Maybe it just doesn’t translate to film, who knows.
Should you go to the movies to see it?
Nah, wait for the streaming release.